lightwithin | 15th Light [Open Commentlog]

15th Light [Open Commentlog]

[When the change happened, Kairi had quickly realized two very important things: she was not physically female anymore and; the dress that had fitted only moments ago was now about three sizes too small.

So Kairi had done the logical thing and made a mad dash for her room.

Only to realize that her ten year old self had left it the day before without a key-card or communicator.

And so now she's just making a mad dash, flitting from deck to deck and trying to find someone - anyone - she knows to explain what is going on and perhaps give her a network update.

On the bright side though, at least she's scavenged some jeans along the way.

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[Kairi just happens to be looking back, wondering if she should try knocking on doors again. She's not watching the corner. She smacks hard into someone and only just manages to stop herself from falling.]

I'm sorry! Are you okay?

[It's a pretty girl with white-blond hair, someone Kairi doesn't know. Or... Wait.]

N-no, no-- I mean y-yeah, I'm fine I-- I j-just, I'm s-sorry that was m-my fault I s-should've watched where I was g--going...

[A stutter. Once Kairi draws the connection, she can't help but look for similarities. But... Xanth is not the only person on the ship who stutters. Perhaps this girl is new and has arrived in the middle of all this mess. Kairi does not want to be the one to make that mistake.

Instead she giggles and reaches out a hand to help the other girl up.]

It's okay. I wasn't watching either. Can I he-elp?

[Her voice cracks. Kairi blinks. And the next moment, her face has turned beet red.

She is never going to get used to this.]

U-Uh, I don't... th-think I need help, I-I mean, uh. I-I was just... g-going down to my room...

[Her room...? She doesn't seem confused at all. It's got to be Xanth, right? It has to be.

As the colour fades from her face, Kairi puts her hands on her hips and leans forward, matching Xanth's smile. Her tone's teasing, but she's forgotten, for a moment, how ridiculous this might look from a guy.]

Oh you think that's funny, hm?

O-Oh, well-- no, I-I just, I kind of-- I know w-what that's like. Th--the... the voice thing! I mean.

[Kairi's own smile fades and for a moment, she looks confused. What did she say? What did-

He- She- Xanth doesn't know it's her any more than she knew it was Xanth. She straightens up and tries her very best to look reassuring.

It's hard to look reassuring when you're not comfortable in your own skin.]

Xanth... It's me.

Heh. It's Kairi. Um. You are Xanth... Right?

K-- K-Kairi?

It-- it got y-you too!?

I mean-- yeah, I'm-- I'm X-Xanth, I just-- o-oh, gods, I didn't-- I didn't th-think it was you!

Heh, it's okay. I don't really feel like me right now.

[Kairi is trying very hard not to stare. This was a lot less awkward when she thought Xanth was a new girl. Now she's looking for more similarities and differences. But staring is just rude.

She deliberately looks away.]

What do you mean 'it go me too?' Are there some people who aren't-,

[She waves her arms, gesturing vaguely toward herself.]

-Like this?

Uh-- w-well, um, I-- I don't know? I-I just, I k-kind of hoped there w--weren't. B-Because, uh-- l-last time there was th-the age thing, not this time b-but before, I d-didn't get that so I, I wondered i-if maybe this would b-be the-- the same?

Oh, that's right!

[She can remember being told that he hadn't been affected by the last gender change, but for the life of her she can't remember when. It hardly matters anyway.]

So, maybe I can find the crew after all. If anyone isn't affected, it has to be them, right?

[She folds an arm behind her head, looking sheepish.]

Y-Yeah...

D-Do you... want a-any h--help?

[For her own part, Kairi still can't bring herself to look directly at Xanth. It's all a little too jarring. But she isn't used to avoiding people's gazes when talking to them. It's strange and she doesn't like it. So instead she strikes an awkward compromise, looking past Xanth and sneaking sideways glances at him every now and again.

Of course, she can't help but jump at the offer.]

Oh! Yes-!

[And then she stops. She has no idea how to ask for what she wants without it sounding strange. She bites her lip.]

Could I borrow a shirt - heh - please.

[Her face is pink again. She goes to tuck her hair behind her ear and remembers too late that it's no longer there. She scratches at her cheek instead, that sheepish grin still in place.]

I can go to deck twelve, if that's not okay.

I - heh - left my communicator and my keycard in my room yesterday.

O--oh, um, right! I-it, um, yeah, it-- it's f-fine! I, um, c--come on.

Heh, thanks.

[Kairi follows obediently. It's only then that She notices she's taller than Xanth. That's strange. She casts around for something to say, anything that's not strange, and all she can think of is to ask how long Xanth thinks this will last.

But that inevitably leads her to the last twenty-four hours and the things he'd said when neither of them had remembered the other...

She thinks better of bringing that up, not right now.]

...You know, being little again was fun. But I think this is one change I don't want to happen again.

[The elevator arrives.]

I mean, there's nothing wrong with being a boy!

[Nice save.]

I just - heh - I like being me.

[Could this get any more awkward? Kairi ducks inside the elevator as much to hide her expression as anything else.]

Y--Yeah. I, uh, b-being a girl i-isn't... it's not a-awful or-- or a-anything but I-I'd really r-rather, y-you know, be... m-myself.]

...i-it was nice not s-stu--stuttering s-so much, th-though. As-- y-you know. A-A kid.

[Xanth is not making them particularly easy to forget. She hadn't noticed that he'd stuttered less as a child, but then she hadn't known she'd known him. Now that he's pointed out the difference, she doesn't really want to make a big deal out of it. Kairi bites her lower lip.]

... It bothers you?

W-Well--

...a-a-- not... not much. I-I mean it just, i-it-- g-gets hard t-to talk s--sometimes, you-- you know?

[No, Kairi doesn't know. She's been in plenty of situations where she hasn't known what to say. She's been in plenty more situations where she's stopped to think about what she's saying and has ended up not saying what she meant at all. But she's never had trouble just talking.

Her expression matches her thoughts; confused but curious. She hesitates.]

Well, hmm...

At least you don't say things you don't mean. Or hurt people...

[She trails off and looks at her feet. She scratches the back of her head before glancing up to catch Xanth's eye. This... Probably isn't the best time for this conversation either. Kairi looks back at her toes.]

[Kairi opens her mouth to apologize but for a moment is confused over what exactly she is apologizing for.

There are too many things, it seems.

And before she can sort out her thoughts, they're there. She steps out of the elevator, moving automatically, and starts heading for Xanth's room.

Silence stretches uncomfortably long.]

I-- I can j-just go get it, i-if you... don't w-wanna come in. U-Un-- unless you do. I-I d--don't mind.

[Kairi had intended to follow him, but that was an un-invitation if ever she had heard one, and she stops short. She looks up, just a little hurt, but she manages to hide it quickly enough.]

Okay. I'll wait here.

[But it's not that she doesn't want to come in! Should she say that? She bites her lip.]

I-- I can g-get you s-some-- something e-else, if... i-if you don't l-like this.

[Kairi takes that minute to try and sort herself out, to think of something she can say to fix this.

She can't think of anything. And then Xanth reappears.]

Um, no. It's okay. Thanks.

[She struggles into the shirt, hair now unkempt. But at least she doesn't feel quite so weird any more.

Well, physically anyway.

She should stay. She should try and sort this out. She doesn't know how to make it better, but she could ask couldn't she?

But every cue and instinct is telling her to go, back down, don't do any more damage than she's already done. Sort out what's going on and talk about it later, when she's not male and things aren't quite so strange.]

I'll bring it back to you when this is over. After I clean it, i mean.

[It's only then she remembers that without her keycard she has nowhere else to go. She waivers, reading to leave at the slightest sign of dismissal.]

W-Well-- um, th-thanks.

...h-hey, um--

Do you-- I mean, um--

If--

...i-if you... c-can't get i-into your room f--for-- I-I, I don't, I don't know, a-a while, um... I've... g-got some e--ex-extra r-room.

I-I mean-- if-- i-if you don't have a-anywhere e--else. That-- that you'd r-rather g--go to.

[Kairi stops to think about it; is that a good idea? She and Xanth aren't exactly having the easiest time talking to one another right now. Everything was so much simpler at the masquerade...

Why is his face red? It's not like they've never shared sleeping quarters before. They went camping and--

Now she's red too. She doesn't want to think about the masquerade or dancing or anything like it while she's a boy and Xanth is a girl. It's just too weird.]

No thanks.

[Her own embarrassment leaves her tone a little more clipped than she'd meant it to be. She tries to smile to soften it, but the expression is so forced it feels like a grimace.]

I mean, thanks, but - heh - I should probably just find the stewardess and ask her to unlock the door. My communicator's in there and-... Well, everything else too.

[And she starts backing up. She needs to find the stewardess; no time like the present.]

I'll see you later, okay?

R--Right, right-- yeah. S--s-see-- see you. Good... good l-luck.

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