lightwithin | 5th ♥ [Audio]

[She opens her mouth to retort but finds she has nothing to say. She knits her brow and frowns. That was a stupid thing to say. Nobody ever had to worry. They did it because they cared.

She did it because she cared.

And because now, she's afraid.]

Riku...

[She doesn't know what's going to happen. She doesn't even know what's happened already. But she's had time and silence to let her imagination run wild and now every little thing is tripping her up.]

What happened to Varric?

[The effect that simple question has on Riku is astounding. Caught off guard, a multitude of expressions run across his face--surprise, shock, pain, regret, even perhaps the tiniest, most minute tinge of -fear- if she's looking close enough. But he locks his expression back down only a moment later, shifting so that he can drape both arms over his knees, back pressed against the wall once more. The movement gives him time to recover from the sudden memory of the attack, gives him chance to remember without having to meet Kairi's eyes as he does so.

But even so, it's still difficult to speak the words.]

Varric...

Varric's dead.

[He stares at his hands, unable to look her in the face. His voice grows even quieter, and she might be able to see some of the conflict on his face.]

I killed him.

[All she can do is stare and gape, like a fish drowning in air.]

Oh.

[Her hand covers her mouth, stifling the sound.

Varric wasn't a heartless. He wasn't a nobody. He wouldn't fade back into himself or be freed from darkness. He was dead. There was no part of him left and no hope of recovery.

And Riku had known that.

At once drawn by sympathy and repulsed by the thought of Riku killing anyone, Kairi gingerly reaches out to rest a hand on his shoulder, before trying to pull him into a hug.]

[Riku doesn't fight it--he lets Kairi pull him into the hug. He rests his forehead against her shoulder, and though there are no tears (he can't cry, he won't cry, he's got to be stronger than that and he -has- been for years now), there's no stopping the shudder that escapes him.]

When I went to see him... he was okay, at first. We were talking.

But things changed.

[His eyes close, and some of the tension goes out of his shoulders. He's not entirely sure why, but somehow... somehow her presence makes it easier. The contact reassures him.]

He changed. Varric... he wasn't himself anymore.

No, he wasn't.

[Zombie.]

You had to...

[She tries to sound reassuring, but isn't sure she manages it. She isn't sure she believes it. He did have to, didn't he? Otherwise he would've been killed.]

[-Did- he have to? It had felt like he did at the time, but what if Varric had only been suffering temporarily? What if he'd come back to himself? He'd taken away any chance the man had to recover. He'd made the choice, even if it -had- been a split-second decision, and someone had died because of it.

His -friend- had died because of it.

This is just underscoring the fact that he's a screw-up, really. First falling to the darkness, then failing to find Xion before being brought to the keep, and now this? Before he even realizes, the words are slipping out.]

It's my fault. If I hadn't been there...

[Then what? It's getting harder for him to connect thoughts--all the distress he's been holding back is running through him again, and it's making his head pound and his body tense. If he hadn't been there, Varric wouldn't have had to die. It's his fault. He's to blame.

If he hadn't been there, then what? Riku doesn't know, and so he says nothing at all, leaving his words unfinished.]

He would have hurt someone.

[She finishes.

She can feel him tense and isn't sure if she's imagining the copper scent of blood about him or if it's real. She sits back, still holding him by the shoulder and staring into his face, trying to catch his gaze.

He needs to look at her.]

It's not your fault.

[He needs to, but he can't. How can he?]

How do I know that for sure?

[He hates that he can't hide this. He's stronger than this, he -knows- he's stronger than this... so why does he feel so vulnerable?

It's why he can't look at her. He can tell from her voice that she's not going to turn away from him, but -he's- not okay with having killed Varric yet. He hasn't made his own peace with it yet.

And so he avoids her gaze.]

Because he hurt you.

[Come on Riku, look at her. Don't hide away. Let her help. She just wants to help.]

Didn't he?

[For a long moment, Riku can't reply. He doesn't -want- to admit that Varric might have hurt him, but at the same time, he knows he can't hide it from Kairi. It's pretty obvious that he's hurt, and some excuse like "I fell down the stairs" isn't going to cut it.

So eventually, he nods once, eyes still downward.]

Yeah. I guess so.

[Getting Riku to admit that there's something wrong is a hollow victory. The fact that he's admitting it means that something's really wrong.]

Is it bad?

[He only admitted to it because he knows that Kairi already knows. If she thinks he's going to admit to how bad it is, she's got another thing coming.]

No.

[Aside from, you know, the concussion and the bruising and all of that. But that's not important. Nope.]

[He's lying. Is he lying? Maybe he isn't lying. Maybe it'll be okay.

What can she do?

There isn't anything she can do. She has no food or water or medical supplies.]

I should let you rest.

[It sounds more like a question than a statement.]

[Rest? But he's just -been- resting. He doesn't know how much time has passed since he got there. Shouldn't he stand watch for a while and let Kairi sleep instead...? Still, he can't deny that the idea is a good one--he's -tired-, even in spite of his nap, and the blindfold is probably the only thing keeping that from being readily evident.

But that doesn't mean he won't address a couple other matters first, though. Riku finally looks up to Kairi, meeting her eyes.]

Promise me you won't go out of the library, Kairi. It's too dangerous for anybody to be out there alone.

[And yes, he -is- including himself in that statement, for once.]

Hm... Okay.

[From somewhere, she manages to muster up a smile.]

I promise.

[She quells the urge to fuss with the blanket. Riku doesn't need to be babied.]

Good.

[For a moment, he doesn't know what to say. But then, quietly:]

Kairi, thanks.

You're welcome.

[It's an automatic response, the same as it had been over a year ago. But it's a cue as much as anything else.

Kairi gets back to her feet and, trying to look nonchalant while stealing several glances back at Riku, wanders over to her chair.]

[Uncomfortable now, Riku has to resettle his blanket before he can lie back down, curling up a bit more than the last time he went to sleep. It doesn't take him long to fall back asleep, but this time it's anything but restful. He tosses and turns, his dreams torturing him with Varric's death, fresh in his mind after his talk with Kairi. Sometimes Kairi's there with him, a look of disappointment and disgust on her face as he looks at his bloodstained hands, but more than that, it's Varric attacking him, rushing at him, without any trace of humanity left in his expression. He wakes without -really- waking, glancing blearily around with fever-bright eyes as the illness begins to overtake him, giving no indication that he actually -sees- what he is seeing. But he lies back down and is fast asleep again in seconds, back into the world of dreams that all seem intent on destroying what little semblance of normalcy he's worked up for himself here.

They get stranger as his fever climbs, the skies suddenly orange and the ground spotted and all logic out the window. Outside of the dreams he begins to cough, just clearing his throat at first but, as time passes, worsening as they begin to wrack his body.

He wakes, and between the concussion and the sickness can barely drag himself up to go and take a piss, can barely sit up long enough to drink some water to relieve his scratchy throat before he tips sideways and is out like a light once more. And this time when he dreams, he doesn't dream of home, or of Varric's blood on his hands or Kairi's disappointed face. He dreams of Hollow Bastion and how he fell into the darkness, of how much he struggled in Castle Oblivion and managed to come out on top. The king isn't there that time, isn't around to help him, and Riku's slipping into darkness, unable to pull himself back out of it, and he wakes, eyes snapping open even as the cloud of sickness descends over him again, dulling his thoughts.

"Pitiful child."

The sound of Ansem's voice is enough to clear the fog from his mind. He tries to sit up, -wants- to bolt right up, but his limbs are heavy and -hurt-, and so it takes effort for him to struggle up, looking around wildly for the source of the voice.

"Look at you. Had I known a mere cold could knock you down, you would have been mine long ago."]

Shut up!

[It's an instinctive response. For a split second, his chest seizes, and Riku grabs for his chest with one hand, unconsciously rubbing the area just over his heart.]

Show yourself!

[The chuckle comes from the other side of the room. Riku glances that way... and there he is. Ansem, looking just the way he always has, smug, knowing smirk on his face.

This is bad.]

[Time drags once more, the crawl of the hours punctuated by short bursts where minutes slip away, one or two when Riku seems to wake, but doesn't. Several more where he is scarcely more lucid. But then, Kairi herself can manage little more than mumbled half-sentences. Torpor seems to have claimed her mind.

After a while, Kairi begins to get up and check him every half hour - or is it every quarter? His forehead's on fire and he's sweating.

She can't stay awake the whole night.

But not once is she truly asleep. The nodding of her own head is enough to jerk her awake again.

And then Riku shouts.

Had she missed a check?

His words take a long time to find their way into her mind and she stares at him as she tries to understand.

She hadn't said anything.

Is he dreaming again?

At the second shout, she tips herself out of the chair and onto her knees, shuffling over to him.]

I'm here.

[She may be here, but she shouldn’t be. Riku catches sight of Kairi, and he shakes his head hard, the motion almost enough to knock him over entirely.]

You’ve got to get out of here. I can’t let him hurt anybody else!

[He switches his gaze back to Ansem, hands clenching into fists. It doesn’t matter how worn down he is--if he has to fight to protect her, he will.]

I won’t let you try that again.

[And he’s just. Gonna throw the blanket off and start trying to make it to his feet now, ‘kay. If Ansem’s going to try anything, he’s got to be ready. He can’t afford to be caught off-guard, not like this.]

[He's off balance. She throws out a hand to steady him.]

Careful, Riku.

[But he's not looking at her any more.]

There's nobody here.

[And, withdrawing her hand at the instruction which can only be aimed at her, she looks over her shoulder, just to double-check.]

[At Kairi's words, confusion spreads across Riku's face. There's nobody here? He looks back to Kairi for a moment, clearly at a loss, then back to Ansem.

She can't see him?

A sudden coughing fit causes him to clutch at his chest, other hand going out to the wall for balance as it shakes him. It's -painful-, feeling like the coughs are coming from the very bottom of his chest, and it lasts for a long minute before he finally manages to regain his breath, still trying to choke down the last few coughs trying to escape. He looks back across the room, all his senses screaming that Ansem would have made a move...

But much like Kairi said, there's nothing.

With nothing to fight against, all the energy drains out of him. Riku sways, then sits down hard, still staring across the room in confusion.]

He was right there...

[She recoils as he begins to cough, and instantly regrets it as he reaches out to steady himself. It had startled her, and as he goes longer and longer unable to draw breath, she can only stand by uselessly and watch.

Why had she never learned cure magic?

When he sits, she crouches next to him, a single question on her mind.]

Who was here?

[Were he any more lucid, maybe Riku would think to make up some sort of story. Pass it off as some sort of strange, waking dream, maybe, or blame how he'd woken up. But as he is now, it doesn't occur to him to lie. He scowls.]

Ansem.

[She's taken aback, certainly. She hadn't been expecting that.]

Were you still dreaming?

[She regrets the words as soon as she says them.]

[Commentlog]

heroinwait.livejournal.com - 2011-11-08 05:20 (UTC) - Expand

[Commentlog]

lightwithin - 2011-11-08 09:22 (UTC) - Expand