lightwithin | 6th ♥ [Audio][Backdated to the 25th]

Okay.

[She nods.

It's not okay. There are so many ways that it is not okay. She doesn't know how to feel. She can't tell if she wants to cry or if she wants to ask Xanth all about it because she can't remember and she wants to. It isn't fair, forgetting things like this. It's not right and it shouldn't happen and she wants to understand why and try to make it better.

But she can't.

Because something else is on her mind, weighing down on it. It's almost like it's pushing everything else out and there isn't room any more.]

I'm sorry, I don't remember.

[How could she explain? How could she leave it at that?]

Did I-.

Did she-.

[The words come softer, more distant with each repetition.]

Did I love you too?

[She should have left it at that. Kairi's words may be soft in tone, but they form the hardest-hitting question yet.

Xanth's cringe deepens and he grasps his elbow, rubbing the bone and pinching the fabric.]

I-- I-I-- I don't know.

[He shrugs, but it's not a casual motion.]

I-I think, m-- maybe, b-but I... I-I don't-- I don't know.

Okay.

[She sits - falls, almost - onto her bed, but somehow doesn't look away.]

Then, what happened to Sora?

[It's a perfectly logical question for her, coming from where she has and knowing what she does.

She'd found Sora's pumpkin.

And no matter what it said, she wouldn't forget about him again. And she couldn't have done it then, even on a world she couldn't remember.]

[Xanth was wrong - this is the hardest question. On the Elegante, Kairi had been without Sora for months, and the idea that their worlds were gone circulated from day one. Things had happened, viewpoints had changed, and eventually, Kairi found Sora dead on the Shore.

But in Holloway's Keep, Kairi has seen nothing of this. She believes everything is still out there. And who knows? Maybe it isn't, but maybe it is.

This does not change the truth.]

Th--that Sora, he... h-he...

[Xanth swallows, and then his voice lowers.]

He d--died.

He-?

[Her fists clenched around the blankets.]

No. You mean he lost his heart.

[He couldn't be dead. If he'd lost his heart, then they - she and Riku - just had to find his body. She could bring him back. She'd done it once. He couldn't be gone.]

[Xanth just shakes his head. If by 'lost his heart' she means 'had it physically torn from his chest', then she might be closer to the truth, but Xanth knows she doesn't.]

N-No. I'm-- I-I'm-- I'm sorry.

[He sneaks a look up at Kairi.]

But-...

[She tries to catch his gaze and hold it, to search his face for even the slightest hope, a loophole, anything.]

No.

[The word comes soft, but determined. She won't accept this. She won't. She wouldn't have forgotten Sora, couldn't have. Unless he really had died, she would have waited for him forever. She wouldn't have given up on him.

And she wouldn't now. There had to be a way. Something was wrong with the timing between here and other worlds. Maybe it wasn't too late. If Riku couldn't remember returning home and was still fighting Ansem, then maybe it wasn't too late to save Sora.

Riku.]

You can't tell Riku.

I-- won't.

[He hadn't even planned on telling Kairi, until she'd asked. He still can't lie to her.

Xanth clutches his elbow. Then, his hand drifts up to his shoulder, which he scratches nervously.]

W-Was that... w-what you... w-wanted to t-talk about?

[It had to be. What else was there?]

[She nods, and wishes she felt as certain as the motion was.]

Mm.

[Now that she know, or sort of knew, the rest of the conversation washed over her. What could she say? Was there anything she should say?]

I'm sorry, Xanth.

[She should explain, at least.]

I found Sora's pumpkin. He, well... We talked.

I shouldn't have listened. I should have destroyed it, but.

I couldn't.

[Of course. It was those damned pumpkins again. Xanth buries his face in one hand, then rubs at his eyes. First Aara found a pumpkin, now Kairi...

He sighs, then drops his hand and looks up at her.]

Wh... wh-- where is it?

Out on the grass.

I should go and find it before Riku does.

[She did not like the thought of what Sora pumpkin might say to him.

She hesitates.]

Will you come with me?

Y--Yeah. O-Of course.

[Xanth turns and reaches for the doorknob, but he waits for Kairi. He won't leave without her - this is not his demon to face, after all.]

[Kairi brushes past him, avoiding his gaze. She needs to do this. But she doesn't want to.

Silent, she begins to lead the way down the hall.]

[That's okay. As far as Xanth is concerned, she shouldn't have to. He's killed one pumpkin already - what's one more?

He falls into step next to her. Unsure of what to say, if anything at all, Xanth says nothing. Under other circumstances he might touch her arm to comfort her, but no; not this time. She knows he loves her, now. He needs to give her some space.]

[And so they walk in silence. Kairi's mind is too preoccupied to feel awkward about it. She hasn't even brought anything with her to deal with the pumpkin. Does that mean she'll have to pull it apart with her hands?

She can't.

She has to. She can't ask Xanth. Not after he killed Riku and what it did to him. It needs to be her. She needs it to be her, because anyone else doing it only makes it worse.

They reach the lawn and she stares.

There is no Sora pumpkin. Stake and all, it's gone.]

It's not here.

[Gone? It can't be gone. They don't just get up and walk away.

Do they?]

Did-- d-did someone-- m-move it? It-- i-it was-- it was here a-a little while ago, r... right?

[Xanth takes a step away, glancing around the lawn.]

I don't know. It was here.

[She was sure it was here.]

Someone must have...

I-I... I guess s-so...

[He sweeps his gaze over the area one more time, then looks back to Kairi. Gently, he asks,]

D-Do you... want to-- l-look for it...?

Mm-

[The word stalls as she realizes she's already shaking her head. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to know what kind of game the Keep is playing or how she's supposed to fix it.

She wants to go somewhere quiet where nobody will see her so that she can cry for a while.]

Let's go.

[Xanth pauses a moment, then nods.]

I'll-- I-I'll walk you b-back to-- your room?

[It's an offer and a question all at once. He's not sure where she wants to go, or if she even wants him there. He will leave if she asks; he will stay if she needs.]

[She shakes her head. She doesn't want to be trapped in there alone.]

I'm going to the lake.

[She wouldn't make him come with her. But she couldn't send him away.]

I-I could... w-- walk you th-there?

[She shouldn't be alone, but Xanth doesn't know if she wants be around him. He did confess his love, after all, and then tell her that the boy she loves is dead.

It would be awkward. There could be no forcing normal until things felt normal, not this soon.

But he can't just leave her.]

Sure, okay.

[She doesn't know what they'll talk about or what they'll do once they get there. She wouldn't know, even if she was going alone. But it doesn't matter so much right now.]

[Neither of those things matter at all. They'll cross those bridges when they get there, if they need to.

Right now, Xanth just nods and takes a step out towards the lake. He knows the way there from just about anywhere in the Keep; he could be there in minutes flat, if he ran.

But he'll go at Kairi's pace.]

[Kairi's pace is brisk, purposeful. She's settled into auto-pilot and is content to let her feet carry her without having to think about where she's going or the route she's taking.

When she next looks up, the weedy shore's stretched in front of her.

She stops.]

Do you... Want to get a boat?

[Xanth looks out over the lake, then towards the boathouse. Chloe mentioned a sea monster out there. It killed someone. But he's never seen it, or even any sign of it.

Still, it was one thing to go out on his own. It was another thing entirely to risk Kairi's life. That is something Xanth just can't do.]

I-I'm... not sure that's a-- a-a good-- i-idea. I've heard... I-I mean, I-I think there might s... something in there...

[Kairi gives him a quizzical, if distant look.

It's a large body of water; of course there's something in there. But she's never seen anything like a crocodile here and there wouldn't be sharks in a lake like this, so the worst it could be was big fish.

Kairi isn't scared of big fish.]

Well, we don't have to swim. Or go very far.

[It's just a boat ride.]

[Xanth stares out at the water and chews on his lip. She's right; they don't have to go far.

It's now that he recalls the one time the Elegante docked. He and Kairi took a boat out on the ocean, and then were nearly eaten by a fish. Good times. The thought does bring a crooked smile to his face, which he tries to force away immediately. (He's not entirely successful.)

He nods.]

Y-Yeah, we-- w-we could-- just go out a-a little.

[He nods towards the boathouse.]

C--C'mon.

[And as she turns to follow him, she sees the expression.]

Hey...

[There's a question in the word that she doesn't know how to ask; is something funny? What's he thinking about?]

What is it?

[Oh, no. She's seen him. Xanth laughs, a little surprised, and then he tries twofold to curb his amusement. Now is not the time for laughing.]

U-Um. I, uh, it's, i-it's just--

O-Once, I-I was, uh, y-you and I, we... w-we took a little-- boat, o-out on a-- a beach, a-and then... w-well, there was this-- fish. It... it capsized o-our boat, a-and, um, sort of.

W-Well it, it didn't... try to eat us? B-But it-- it grabbed us, i-in its mouth. [He makes little grabby motions.] A-And then-- it-- spat us back out o-on the, the sand.

[Then, he twiddles his fingers, his smile finally abating.]

I-It's, um, it's not-- really-- th-that funny. S-Sorry.

[It's the gestures that get to her, the snapping motions and whatever he's doing with his fingers. The story itself is just bizarre and she tries not to hard to think about it - were they on a date? - but the gestures she can't ignore.

They make her smile.

It's an awkward expression, like her jaw is stuck on rusted hinges and she's long since forgotten how. But it's there, however briefly.]

Come on.

I don't think a giant fish will try to eat us here.

Y--Yeah, [he agrees.] P-Probably... prob'ly n-not.

[He's thankful for the smile, however short-lived it was. It brings a smile of his own back to Xanth's face, and his lingers.

He makes a gesture to Kairi to follow him, and starts off towards the boathouse.]

6th ♥ [Audio][Backdated to the 25th]

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